Wednesday, February 01, 2006

America's Dependency on Foreign Oil

Moderator: Welcome to "Sully and Murph Discuss The Issues," a blog featuring commentary on major issues of the day. Our principal commentators are: Timothy "Sully" Sullivan, Jr. (20), a student at Worcester State College, and part-time stocker at Building 19; and Thomas "Murph" Murphy (19), a graduate of Assabet Valley Regional Vocational High School, and aspiring barber.

Today's Topic: In his recent State of the Union address, President Bush referred to America as "addicted to oil," and called for a 75% reduction in the use of OPEC-exported oil in the next half-decade. Is the President's plan feasible, and if so, how will it affect the consumption patterns of the average American?

Sully: Jaysus, I came down with the consumption myself after my last shift at Building 19. We had to unload 50 pallets of irregular Spam, and those bastids were dusty as hell. I almost missed my World Geography class at Worcester State.

Murph: Is that class hard?

Sully: Pretty. I've been studyin' a lot by playin' "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" on my Mom's IIGS, and hittin' International Beer nights at the Horseshoe Pub, so I should be OK.

Murph: Nice. They don't let you study for barber college at the 'Shoe--something about insurance premiums and that guy down at the clam shack who's got a divot taken out of his scalp.

Moderator: Gentlemen, back to the move away from foreign oil dependency, please.

Sully: Look, as long as Bush doesn't take away the Super Premium unleaded down at the Gas 'n' Go, I'm OK with it. My whip needs the good stuff to get up over 100 on the highway.

Murph: Are you talking about the Honda? You know, just because you glued a spoiler on the bastid doesn't make it a sports car. The only way that thing is breaking 100 is if you drop it out of a plane.

Sully: Nice. Like that Geo of yours is the height of suavite, right there Andretti? Anyways, like I said, the oil thing doesn't matter to me.

Murph: Yeah, but it'll start mattering if you can't afford gas for the Honda.

Sully: Look, as long as I got my health, my lungs, a length of rubber tubing, and a next-door neighbor with an office job and an SUV, like that prick Glen, I'll be fine.

Murph: You Sullivans think sucking on things is the solution to everything, don't you?

Moderator: You know what? I'm gonna just cut this one off right here. Join us next time when we'll discuss our picks for this year's Oscars. Actually, you know what else? I'm gonna cut that one off before it even starts. Next time we'll discuss federal farm subsudies and see if we can't get through one of these without a gay joke.

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