Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Senate Hearings re: Samuel Alito

Moderator: Welcome to "Sully and Murph Discuss The Issues," a blog featuring commentary on major issues of the day. Our principal commentators are: Timothy "Sully" Sullivan, Jr. (20), a student at Worcester State College, and part-time stocker at Building 19; and Thomas "Murph" Murphy (19), a graduate of Assabet Valley Regional Vocational High School, and aspiring barber.

Astute readers may recall that these two gentlemen previously wrote for the "Timmy and Tommy Talk!!!" blog; this blog has been discontinued due to Mr. Murphy's contention that the title was "gayer than Richard Simmons's masseur."

Today's Topic: Does today's shift in tone in the Senate hearings re: Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito portend trouble for his chances of confirmation? Or is it merely representative of the increasingly partisan rhetoric of the national debate?

Sully: Jaysus. I was down at Billy Fitz's summah house in Ormond Beach, FL last weekend and got sunburned like a jerk. My neck looks like somebody went at it with a cheese gratah. Plus, Fitz screwed me over big time.

Murph: I bet he did.

Sully: None of that, bowmar. I figure Florida + school vacation time = hot girls, right? Turns out people down there are as ugly as people everywhere else. There was one girl who looked like the Unibombah.

Murph: Listen, while you were down there swannin' around, I was trying to get my barber's license again. The guy tells me to give the customer a "pompadour." What the hell is that about? Sounds like some kind of French soup or something. I whiffled the guy and sent him off, but the guy doing the test got pissed. Guy needed to smoke a haybar in worst way.

Sully: You hump. Down at the 19 the other day I had to unload 10 pallets of wool sweaters that got salvaged from a fire. The things smelled like the Devil's nutsack dipped in cheese.

Moderator: Gentlemen, could we please get back on topic?

Murph: Fock you, Jimmy. Jaysus, you sound like a Kennedy, except sober. We Murphys aren't big fans of the Kennedys, you know.

Moderator: Oh, I'm sure the Kennedys are big Murphy fans, so that probably hurts them.

Sully: Fock you, Sally.

Moderator: Eat a bowl of dicks, you ass-cramming shit-smoker.

Murph: . . .

Sully: . . .

Moderator: That concludes todays discussion. Please join us next time when we will discuss Latin American monetary policy.


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