Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Abramoff Scandal

Moderator: Welcome to "Sully and Murph Discuss The Issues," a blog featuring commentary on major issues of the day. Our principal commentators are: Timothy "Sully" Sullivan, Jr. (20), a student at Worcester State College, and part-time stocker at Building 19; and Thomas "Murph" Murphy (19), a graduate of Assabet Valley Regional Vocational High School, and aspiring barber.

Today's topic: Will the recent revelations surrounding Republican casino lobbyist Jack Abramoff change the public's attitude towards legalized gambling?

Murph: I could use some legalized gambling right about now. As far as I know, those guys don't threaten to Theisman your shins if a couple of your more speculative bets don't hit. I lost a bundle on the Pats last weekend. Kevin Faulk and that ref were conspirin' against me.

Sully: Why? You give 'em a haircut recently?

Murph: None of that, theiah. Larry, my professor at barber college, has been all over me this week. Turns out you're supposed to let the hot towels air out for a while after they come out of the boilah. Like that fat bastard of a customer needed his eyebrows, anyways. I think he was just pissed that I winged him with the straight razor. I guess he never got a question wrong on an exam or whatevah.

Sully. Jaysus. Anyways, the refs were just hatin' on Touchdown Tommy Brady, that's all. They all secretly just want to get down there and puff the magic dragon on him.

Murph: Classy. Another gay joke. They teach you those down there at Building 69?

Sully: Building 19, you humpsicle.

Moderator: Fellas, back to Indian casino gambling, please.

Murph: Curry Indian or corn Indian? I'm not sure I trust eithah. I keep waitin' for one of those Indian places to go all Little Big Horn.

Sully: Jaysus, that's all we need is Laughing Buffet and Dances With Pass Lines swooping down scalpin' guys and yellin' "Yo eleven!"

Moderator: Are you guys even trying? What's the fucking point of this blog if it's just down to you two ass-smoking fuck-sniffers yammerin' on like kids on the back of the retard van?

Murph: . . .

Sully: . . .

Moderator: Please join us next time when we will debate how far up Murph's ass I can fit my foot.


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